Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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