so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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