I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
worst night to have a conscience
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
