i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
