if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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