Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
