driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
