I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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