yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
