What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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