Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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