2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
