college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
