you're like a bully in the Christmas story
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am one with the molecules
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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