Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
