Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
