Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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