we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
