guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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