just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
