At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You pole danced in your parka.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
