He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize