Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
