hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
