Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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