i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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