Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
