I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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