Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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