I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
