the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
