I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
