After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
