covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
