i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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