No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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