She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
