I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
