You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just want to make out with him forever
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
