I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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