i don't like sucking hair
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
