kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am available for nakedness
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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