what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
