I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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