Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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