I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
