does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
