I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
