Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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