that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
