ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
