i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
