Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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