And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
