She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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