I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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