Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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