oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
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I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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