what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
