bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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