So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
