very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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