the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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