It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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