You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
