Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
