you have to choose: penises or morals?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
