Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
