watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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