I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
