her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's blow job season.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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