dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
