Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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