You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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