His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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