How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
