you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
