Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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