That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
