Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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