Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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