I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize