It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
