he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
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It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
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