Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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