..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
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i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
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Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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